Problematic Issues
by Ann O'Neem
Summary: First rule of cohabitation : We DO NOT talk about the flamingos. Even more when they are covered in glitter. Second rule of cohabitation : If you get your flatmate stuck in an elevator, you have the obligation to make him a turkey sandwich. Third rule of cohabitation : Your flatmate is famous? Don't let it go to his head and purge it with vodka.
1. First Rule

**So this is like a test. A mere drabble to see if it works. Just tell me what you thought about this thing.**

**This story-drabbly thing can be read separately from Daddy Issues but it's always good to have read it first. It will have some inside jokes.**

* * *

Before Byakuran even became the world ruler and evilest villain that we all know, he was a college student. And before he even thought of destroying the mafia and obtaining the Tri-ni-Sette, he also was a party animal. Without forgetting that before he met Irie Shoichi, Byakuran met Harry Potter.

Or rather, he met Harry Potter's naked and covered in glitter ass in his cupboard. Of course, being the gentleman that he had always been, Byakuran shook the naked raven awake and gave him a cup of coffee while the poor Brit tried to regain his bearings.

"Huuuuh," the dark haired man drawled as he blinked slowly, his eyelids seeming to weigh pounds and his head pounding like he had an elephant dancing the Macarena up there. "This is not my bedroom..."

"No," Byakuran answered while he smiled brightly at the young man.

His own case of headache was quickly forgotten because that stranger's bedhair was amazing. As were his green eyes that were unfocused. (The albino learned later that Harry was almost blind without his glasses)

"God," the raven moaned as he rubbed his eyelids. "Where am I? I just remember shouting about a game of beer-pong that changed into a vodka-pong and then... Am I in a cupboard?"

The albinos snickered. So the other had wake up naked in stranger's house and the only thing that preoccupied him was that he was in a cupboard. He already liked him.

"You're in my apartment," he finally answered while his lilac eyes twinkled happily. "Near Oxford's campus."

"Good," the green eyed boy croaked and he sipped his cup of coffee. Not minding at all that he still was stark naked in front of a stranger and still sitting in the cupboard. "At least I'm still in England."

Byakuran laughed and patted softly the other man's hair before he turned around and observed critically his apart. There were empty bottles of beer everywhere and he was pretty sure that he had seen some used condoms on his kitchen counter. He didn't want to know. Really.

"Hey," the stranger said with his voice still as broken as before.

"Hm?" Byakuran turned his head and looked at the naked man with curiosity.

"Can I use your shower for a bit? And borrow some clothes? I have a lecture at ten and I'm pretty sure that glitter isn't convenient for that..."

"Sure," the albinos hummed while he threw pretty much everything that was on the floor in the bin.

"I'm Harry, by the way."

"Byakuran."

The raven grunted a bit and tried to get out of the cupboard. The boy finally succeeded and let out a shout of victory before he suddenly crumbled, his head in his hands as his headache hadn't appreciated the scream at all. Then, he went to the bathroom, his legs wobbly like a newborn fawn, while Byakuran continued cleaning.

It was then that Harry screamed. Byakuran was surprised and almost let the empty bottle of beer in his hand fall. He quickly went to his bathroom to see that the raven was on the floor, his green eyes looking with horror at the disaster in the shower. It was a plastic flamingo covered in glitter.

All in all, it didn't seem that frightening. But Harry was shaking in horror, his pupils blow wide as he muttered to himself while rubbing vividly his arms.

"God, can't believe it happened again... How the hell did I even find one this time? I was in Soho!"

"So it's you who did the threesome with a flamingo and my roommate?" Byakuran plainly asked.

Harry blanched and he softly turned his head to him.

"I did what?" He asked with a dead voice.

"Threesome. Flamingo and girl. She said she was now leaving the town to become a nun. What the hell happened?"

"I don't remember it," Harry muttered. "But it wasn't the first time... Maybe because the sex was so good and she didn't like that I was gay?"

Byakuran chortled and he shook his head.

"I won't be the one to touch that," he said as he pointed the glittery flamingo. "And thanks to you, I'm short of a roommate now."

"I can always be your roommate," the raven shrugged and he rubbed his neck. "I'm even ready to pay a higher rent than your former roommate if you're the one to throw away that atrocity..."

"Deal," Byakuran immediately accepted.

And it was like that that Harry Potter and Byakuran met for the first time. It was like a fairytale. Except with more alcohol and nakedness. But there was as much glitter as in a fairytale.

**Rule n°1 of cohabitation**: You DO NOT talk about the flamingos. Never. Even more when it is covered in glitter.


	2. Second Rule

**Yes, I updated. But don't think that it's going to be a daily thing, I just had this already written, luckily for you.**  
**Also, it surprised me to see that you actually liked the humor in the first chapter. Well, it's all good for me because I have this kind of shitty humor...**

**And now, I'll give you some explanations about the settings of this story.**

**This is totally a different universe than the one in Daddy Issues. But Byakuran happens. **

**No flamingos were hurt during the writing of this story. The one in the first chapter was a plastic one that you can find in gardens. We still don't know how Harry ended with one when he was in Soho. It just _happened. _**

**Harry and Byakuran are college student, you can all guess their age, right? (Even if my morals are low in this story, I wouldn't mention a kid having a threesome)**

* * *

Before he was an evil villain who wanted to rule the whole world, Byakuran had been a college student. And as such, he had had to endure the evil known as finals. But as all obligatory hells, it also meant that after those atrocious partials, he was free to do whatever he wanted.

Such as partying until falling asleep right on the spot. Or drinking until he forgot that he was actually pretty fluent in a lot of languages.

The video of him gushing in Taiwanese at a pug was slowly going viral in the Oxford college.

But the worst had probably been when he had ended dead drunk in a tattoo parlour and had told Harry, his damned flatmate and also kind of arsehole-ish best friend to choose his tattoo himself. The little bastard had made his choice and hadn't let him see it until he was sober.

And what a surprise it had been.

The video of Byakuran running butt naked with a brand new tattoo over his face after a flamingo pink Harry Potter (the boy clearly had a problem) while screaming bloody murder in German had been viral. In the whole world. In fact, it had had such a success that on his first decision as the evillest villain who ruled the whole world, Byakuran had ordered to delete the video. Permanently.

That day, he had laughed while rewatching the only copy left of that damned video.

So yeah, Byakuran was totally that kind of loser. And this also kinda explains how he ended making Harry his personal manservant.

It all began after one of those atrocious finals weeks passed by and they were in their flat, hanging around and cleaning the mess from their late partying.

"For the last bloody time," a rather annoyed Harry Potter exclaimed as he wiped down the excess of sweat, sugar and alcohol residues on their kitchen counter. "It was just a tattoo..."

Byakuran rolled his eyes and imitated the dark haired man behind his back.

"_It's just a tattoo_," he copied with a high and shrilly voice. "_It's not like you can't erase it with laser..._"

"Well," Harry shrugged and threw the really and disgustingly filthy clothe in the trash bin. "You can always do that, right?"

"And for the umpteenth time," the albino retorted while crossing his arms and dramatically falling into their couch. "I can use the laser removal because it would be too risky for my eye!"

"We can't help it then," the other chuckled and began to prepare two cups full of alcohol. "You'll have to live with that lovely tattoo."

"I fucking hate you, Potter," Byakuran muttered under his breath but he accepted the boy's glass.

"You wouldn't be the first," Harry smirked with a mysterious air and the white haired man rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, right," he huffed before he downed his cup.

Two hours later, he regained consciousness in the shitty elevator of their building. The lights were flicking on and off around him and he whined in pain. He could feel a budding pain behind his closed eyelids and if he wasn't wrong, the noticeable wind on his neither regions could only mean a thing.  
He was butt naked in the public elevator. In bright day. And in the middle of the week.

Harry was so fucking dead...

"Byakuran?" he heard that annoying voice call him in that posh English that the dark haired man always used.

The albino merely grunted and hit the elevator doors to signal the other that he was indeed there. Butt naked and with a shirt that wasn't his. (Byakuran didn't own such an atrocity. It was pink. Glittery so along with a pug picture on it. And it hurt his eyes)

"Are you really in the elevator?" Harry asked in a muffled voice while he probably pressed the button to open those damned doors.

Byakuran grunted affirmatively and waited for the doors to open.  
Except that they didn't.

"Oh fuck," the other man whispered. "It's stuck."

"No shit, Sherlock," the albino muttered while sitting on the floor.

That had been a bad idea because the floor was freezing on his neither regions. He quickly discovered that fact and yelped loudly while jumping around. The doors slightly creaked open and Byakuran looked with hope at them, wishing to just get all of this over and get back to his bed to forget everything about waking up butt naked in the elevator.

"Sooo~" Harry drawled while trying to open more the door. "I have a bad and a good news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"

"The bad one," Byakuran answered right away while he furrowed his eyebrows.

Why weren't those doors opening? There was now a tiny opening, he couldn't even pass his head through it.

"It seems like the elevator is stuck and they say that you're going to have to wait there until someone comes to fix it. Also, there is a camera in there and I'm pretty sure that somewhere, someone is masturbating at the video footage of your 'Dancing Queen' performance."

"..."

Harry nervously laughed and shuffled while Byakuran tried to recollect his thoughts.

"Those were two bad news," he lamely retorted. "You better have a really good new to balance it out."

"Well..." the other drawled while looking everywhere but at the elevator opening. "I made you a sandwich."

"Turkey?"

"Yep."

"Give it."

"Yes, my Lord," Harry immediately passed the sandwich through the opening and faked a courteous bow.

Byakuran snorted at the bad imitation of a butler and bit on his sandwich.

"I'm still going to kill once I get out of here," he announced with a cheery voice.

"... Why can't we all be friends?" the other pleaded.

"You wish," Byakuran plainly said before finishing his snack. "Go and make me another."

"Yessir!"

**Rule n°2 of cohabitation** : If you get your flatmate stuck in an elevator, you have the obligation to make him a turkey sandwich.

* * *

**Question for the readers : If I wrote a story about as crack-ish as this one but in the Tokyo Ghoul setting, would you read it?**


	3. Third Rule

**And here I am with more of these drabbles.**

**But first, let's answer the anons:**

**Guest **: My head is pretty empty, it must be why you can't understand what goes in it, there's just nothing.

**Guest** : It hasn't been said if Harry is a wizard in this story. Yet.

**And that's it. Have a good read.**

* * *

So as you already probably know, before Byakuran became the sexiest and evilest overlord that we all despise and nonetheless love, he was a college student.

And like every college student that ever was, Byakuran was a total and complete... _Idiot_.

"Like I said," Byakuran giggled as he put down his empty cup on the counter. He leaned on his elbows on the dirty counter and ignored how his white cardigan was slowly taking a grey colour with all the dust and grease present on said counter, preferring to lock eyes with the dark haired man by his side. "You totally deserved that."

The raven was a heap of hair and limbs, along with pouty lips and wide green eyes that were hidden behind atrocious lenses (Byakuran's words, not the author's).

"That's just mean," the dark haired boy retorted before he downed a shot of tequila. He grimaced and turned to glare at the barman. "You call this alcohol? My friend Hagrid makes biscuits stronger than this shit!"

The barman narrowed his eyes and, while he glared at the man, he took one of the bottles hidden under the counter and poured a new drink. The client smirked and took the shot without even asking what kind of drink it was and drank it. A small sigh passed through his parted lips and he nodded once.

"Sweet," he accorded. "Tastes like the butterbeers back when I was thirteen..."

Byakuran giggled (again, not that he was going to admit it though) and he leaned his cheek against his arms (no way in hell was he going to touch the counter) while he observed his friend's down another cup.

"Are you going to drown your sorrow in alcohol?" the albino asked with a slightly mocking voice.

"So what if I am?" the other retorted after a faint hesitation. His new shot was hovering at mere inches from his face and Byakuran smirked.

The white haired man suddenly raised from his slumped form and took the green eyed's hand, forcing him to move it until the drink was against Byakuran's parted lips.

The other man scowled and freed his hand once the cup was empty.

"Bastard, that was my drink, I paid for it," he grumbled before asking for another one at the barman.

The latter rolled his eyes, already accustomed to the dark haired's rude way and incredible drinking.

"Whatcha gonna do?" he commented with a shrug before he suddenly remembered something. "Wait! Does that mean that you're rich?"

"Shut up," the raven muttered while he glanced at his cup. It was probably scotch from the way it looked and smelled.

"You didn't say no~" Byakuran cheekily stated before he jumped from his stool and put his hands around his mouth. "LADS, MY FRIEND HARRY IS GOING TO PAY FOR ALL OF OUR DRINKS TONIGHT!"

Everyone cheered in the college bar and Harry moaned while he covered his face with his hands.

"Well?" his flatmate asked him after a little while.

"I bloody hate you," the green eyed gloomily retorted.

"But you aren't depressed about that girl fawning about you anymore and saying that she had always been your fan, right?" Byakuran grinned while he pushed a glass full of orange juice and vodka towards him.

"That's right," Harry made a tiny smile and accepted the drink with a small nod. "Thanks, Byakuran."

"Call me Ran," the other told him with a bright smile. "Byakuran is such a mouthful."

"Will do," the dark haired nodded and tilted his head, leaning his cheek against his hand while he watched his flatmate with captivated eyes. "But it suits you."

"It suits me?" Byakuran repeated with a slight frown. "What does? Is it the cardigan? I told you so, white is totally my colour."

"Of bloody course," Harry snorted and downed his glass. "You aren't called white orchid for nothing I guess."

"Was that a compliment, Harold?"

"Shut up and go back to drinking."

Well, he was an idiot. But sometimes he could be a true friend. Didn't mean that he wasn't an idiot though.

Because on the next morning, the first thing that greeted Harry from his slumber on his kitchen counter (he wasn't going to ask how he had ended up sleeping there. At least, there wasn't a plastic flamingo this time) was a text. And a very explicit one too.

[Please bail me out of jail. Totally your fault.]

Harry blinked and reread the text.

Nope, nothing had changed there. He then looked at the time where he had received such text and blanched. It had been three hours after they had entered the last bar last night. What had happened after that?

He shrugged, prepared himself a cup of coffee, drank it and only then did he go out of his flat and went to bail his friend.

One hour later (and after paying the fine that wasn't that big to be honest), he finally came out of the police station with a rather frazzled Byakuran.

"So," Harry drawled as they walked to the underground and waited for the tube. "What happened?"

"What happened?" Byakuran lightly hummed under his breath and finally sighed. "You decided that the first step to become an evil overlord was to surround yourself with plastic flamingos and forced me to go to IKEA, even if it was closed, to steal a bunch. Then, when the guards found us you threw me at them while shouting '_The show must go on!_' and then you left me. So me being in jail was totally your fault."

"That's what you get for making me pay for a bunch of strangers," Harry commented lightly while he internally sweated at the discovery that he had tried to steal plastic flamingos. Again.

"I swear, Potter," the albino retorted while he narrowed his eyes. "If I become an evil overlord, I'll destroy each and every plastic flamingo on Earth, mark my words!"

And he did.

**Rule n°3 of cohabitation :** Your flatmate is famous? Don't let it go to his head and purge it with vodka.

* * *

**In the next drabble, a new character will appear. It's from the Reborn manga and their first apparition was in the Future arc. Will you be able to find who it is?**

**Also, I'm totally going to write that Tokyo Ghoul crack crossover. It will be named "Screw that Skrewt" and will have a Harry as OOC as the one in this story.**


	4. Fourth Rule

**And here's more madness. I'm working on the next chapter of Daddy Issue but it's going to be a really short. So, here. Take Byakuran and Harry being two idiots while I keep writing.**

* * *

Harry had been happily blasting some aliens in his brandnew game when his phone began to buzz. The dark haired man glanced at the screen and grimaced when he saw the infamous name of his flatmate written in white and bold letters.

[**_Marshmallow addict_**]

"What is it this time," the green eyed male muttered to himself while he paused his game.

The blast of yet another defeated enemy froze while he stood up and stretched a bit, his eyebrows furrowing while he finally read the message Byakuran had sent him.

[_HARRRY! HELP, THERES THIS COW THAT WANTS TO KILL US! PLEASE, HELP! I DONT WANT TO DIE A VIRGIN!_]

Harry snorted and put away his phone.

"Seems like the idiot got intoxicated once again," he shrugged and went back to his game.

The explosion made his speakers rumble and the college student grinned to himself. He opened a can of energizing softdrink and went back to firing aliens. But, just as he was nearing the last boss of the level, his phone buzzed once again.

[_hurry! The cowishungry! Orhorny, idk. Shehasbeengi vingmeb-edroomeyes..._]

Harry groaned and rolled his eyes. He paused his game once again and unlocked his phone to swiftly write a reply.

[_Then offer her a sacrifice and she'll let you pass_.]

The dark haired man went back to his game and began to bite lightly his lips when his character began to lose points against the Boss. However, he persevered and got to change the tide. His character was on a roll and soon the Boss was on its knees, howling in pain.  
And, just as Harry was about to push the buttons to deal the final blow, his phone began to ring. Loudly.

"SWEET MERLIN AND WHATEVER LEFT IS HOLY!" Harry screeched as he took the phone and answered the call. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!"

A mere sniffle answered him.

Harry furrowed his brows, anger soon leaving his face and he checked quickly if it was Byakuran. It was indeed the albinos inconvenience.

"Byakuran?" Harry called in a softer voice when the sniffles kept going on and the white haired man didn't say anything.

Another sniffle.

"Well?" the dark haired student drawled. "What happened with your cow?"

A deep breath and then...

"I sacrificed Kikyo," Byakuran answered him in a hushed voice.

"Huh," Harry retorted oh so smartly.

That was why they were college student. And the smartest of their classes. See? Future world rulers there.

"And then?" the green eyed male insisted.

To be honest, he was getting intrigued. And also perplexed because Byakuran had been supposed to go out in Soho. Not in some remote farm. So where the hell had he found a cow and angered the normally placid animal so much that it wanted him dead?

"She wants more blood..."

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO KIKYO?"

"Huuuh," Byakuran answered in a hesitating voice. "We kind of got in a fight to decide who was going to be sacrificed and... there was this really nice shovel so..."

Harry blinked. He glanced at the frozen screen where the Boss was standing, howling in victory, over his character's dead body and then at the phone where Byakuran was still spluttering about the sacrifice of a guy Harry had never met in his life.

"Where are you?" he sighed heavily.

"Do you remember that shop where we broke in to steal some pink flamingos weeks ago?" Byakuran cheerily asked him.

"You didn't," Harry retorted with a horrified face. "You didn't dare..."

Byakuran merely giggled.

The young Potter sighed, once again, and pocketed his keys. "Don't move, I'm coming with a bag to hide the body."

"You're the best! I'll make you a sandwich when we get home!"

It turned out that the cow had been a sofa in white leather and that Kikyo's sacrifice had been a slap with a fly swatter that sent the poor guy barreling in the shop. Though the guy ended buried under a heap of pink flamingos, making Harry twitch at that sight.

"Evil, I tell you," he assured as he helped Byakuran get back to his feet.

The albinos was so intoxicated that he thought that the raven wanted to play horsey and promptly obliged.

The police found them like that, Harry on his knees while Byakuran booed the policemen until they had to cuff him as he wanted to escape on the raven's back.

But, even when they cuffed his arms behind his back, the albinos kept pressing Harry to kick out the agents and then escape.

"Forward, my mighty steed!" Byakuran said in a slurred voice.

Harry sighed and met one of the policemen's pitying eyes.

"I know," the dark haired student muttered. "I know, you don't have to say it."

"Well, son," the man commented as he glanced at the intoxicated albinos who was shouting nonsense at whoever walked by. "I'm still intrigued by how easily you manage to sneak in here every time. Care to explain?"

Harry groaned and fell on his stomach, Byakuran letting a small "oof" of surprise before he smashed against the raven.

"It's the cooooow," the albinos explained with a holier-than-thou face. "She gave me stinky eyes when I took one of the flamingos. I guess that she was just jealous."

The policemen groaned at unison and pushed the two students towards their cars.

"Seriously, what is it with them and those flamingos?" one of them muttered.

Kikyo's whereabouts weren't noticed until the salesman opened the shop and noticed his mint colored hair among the pink flamingos.

**Rule n°4 of cohabitation**: No matter what happens with your flatmate, always shoulder him.


	5. Fifth Rule

**Okay, I lied about the Daddy Issues, I haven't written more than three words. But that's mostly because I realized that this story is actually tied to Daddy Issues and that I need to reach a certain part in this story to write the next chapter in Daddy Issues. So, yeah. it will take some time. But until then, here is another chapter full of crack and bad humor. **

**Strangely enough, there wasn't any plastic flamingo in this chapter. Did Harry finally overcome his problem? Or will he fall deeper?**  
**By the way, there are some spoilers about a game in this chapter, (not) sorry about that.**

* * *

As you already know because this is like the fifth chapter, before Byakuran went full world conqueror, he had been a college student. And, while it was true that the albinos had been quite a genius at his field of studies, Byakuran had been a party animal and envied bachelor. In fact, when the rumor about him needing a flatmate had been around the campus, Byakuran had been submerged in propositions.

But, unluckily for those who wanted to partake into the Byakuran lifestyle, the albinos had already found another flatmate in the five seconds after his former flatmate had resigned. Thus a waiting list had been done and there were some saying that more than half of the campus had signed it.

Not that it mattered for Byakuran as the boy was busy dealing with his studies and failing liver after all those parties.

And this also explained why he found himself, on a Friday night of all the nights, wearing a big and fluffy jumper, and his boxers, while he downed mountain dew and nibbled on his lips. The bluish light of the television screen gave his pale face a ghostly aspect and that was the cause of a shrilly scream when the albinos' flatmate came back from his late study session at the library.

"What the hell, Byakuran!" Harry screeched as he threw his keys on the little bookcase next to the door.

The keys rattled loudly when they fell on the floor but neither of the boys cared about it. Byakuran was still looking with a blank stare at the screen and it actually worried Harry. The latter had never seen his flatmate being so calm and silent.

But it was also true that Byakuran had been ordered to stop drinking and eating marshmallows coated in condensed milk. The poor guy had been hit by quite a harsh depression when the doctor's order had been announced.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked as he calmed himself and walked to the couch where Byakuran had decided to become a heap of untamed white hair and naked legs.

The dark haired student sighed and pushed away his flatmate's legs that fell with a loud thump on the floor (making the old grandma living downstairs hit her ceiling with a broom to make them shut up) before he sat down with a weary sigh. A really big test had been planned for the next week and the boy feared that he wouldn't have enough time to study for it. The feeling of Byakuran's icy legs falling over his lap shook him away from his grim thoughts about organized crime in the nineteenth century and he finally glanced at his flatmate. The latter was still blankly staring at the screen and Harry raised his eyebrows when he followed Byakuran's gaze and he almost choked on his spit.

"W-What the bloody hell are you watching?" his voice creaked as he spluttered his question.

Byakuran blinked slowly, his lilac eyes finally leaving the screen to gaze at the blushing dark haired man.

"A game," the albinos tersely said.

Harry blinked. His green eyes strayed from Byakuran's face and went back to the frozen screen and he winced. Hard.

"But why a game?" he insisted.

"Bluebell gave it to me," Byakuran shrugged. "She said that I looked like one of the protagonists."

Harry sighed and wrinkled his nose as he tried to picture the high schooler girl that the albinos tutored every Wednesday, the one who went to a prestigious and extremely religious school, giving a videogame to Byakuran.

"Wasn't she in love with you?" he inquired with a raised brow. "Then why would she give you that game?"

"Dunno," the other student shrugged and fetched the controller with a quirky grin. "Wanna play? I just began."

Harry sighed and, after a last glance at his bag full of books and homework, shrugged.

"Why not," he muttered. "It's not like I'm ever going to regret playing this."

He was wrong.  
So very fucking wrong.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Harry raised a hand and Byakuran promptly paused the game.

The raven shook his head and furrowed his brows. "Are you serious? He doesn't want to cut his hair because it would hurt him? What the hell? What kind of drugs did he take?"

Byakuran shrugged and he smirked foxily.

"Maybe the kind that made his fashion taste vanish," he commented with a disgusted face.

He simply couldn't understand how the hero could wear such atrocious clothes. If he ever were to be a villain or a thugh, Byakuran would make sure that his clothes, no an uniform would be even better, would be top notch. And white. Maybe with flowers so it would go with his name.

"Right," Harry snorted. "Go on."

Minutes later, Byakuran had to pause the game. Again. But this time it wasn't because of Harry.

"What," the albinos blinked as he watched the pixellated face. "That piercing guy just kissed me!"

Harry blinked and suddenly remembered something.

"Say, Byakuran," he asked with a curiously high-pitched voice. "What was the name of this game again?"

"Dunno," the other shrugged. "A name that didn't make sense at all... Grammatical murder or something along..." The albinos narrowed his eyes and hissed softly. "I'm going to fucking kill that pierced punk..."

Little did he know about what was about to happen...

"Oh my god!" Byakuran's eyes widened in horror and his fingers' hold on the controller failed.

The controlled fell in a soft thud on the carpet but the albinos didn't even notice it, his eyes still taken by the horrifying sight on the screen. Harry was in the same state, his emerald eyes darkened in fear as he muttered the same words like a mantra.

"_Bite it, bite it, bite it, bite it, bite it..._"

"Oh my god," Byakuran repeated as he hesitated whether wash his eyes with Javel so he would forget everything about what he had seen or just burn the demonic game.

"_Biteitbiteitbiteitbiteitbiteit..."_

"He fucked a dog!" the albinos whined as he threw his arms around Harry's neck and began to hug the life out of the poor boy. "He fucked a fucking dog and it was in his twin brother's body! What the fuck, Japan!"

"_Bite it, bite it, bite it..._"

That day, Byakuran decided that if he were to become a evil overlord and conquer the whole world, he would do it dressed fabulously. And he would begin by Japan so he could destroy all the Grammatical Murder's franchise.

**Rule of cohabitation n°5**: If your flatmate gets a Japanese BL visual novel, play it with him. You won't regret it.

* * *

**It actually was Kikyo's game but he lent it to Bluebell and she just told Byakuran to give it back to Kikyo. You reap what you sow, Byakuran. By the way, Clear's totally Byakuran's favorite (and that totally shows us that he isn't narcissistic...). **


	6. Sixth Rule

**So, guess who's back? **

* * *

It had been a perfectly normal morning. Birds chirping, a tiny bit of sun warming softly the silent bedroom and caressing the sleeper's pale face. So, of course, Byakuran'd had to destroy to smithereens what little normalcy was left in their lives.

Harry creaked open one of his eyes when he heard the front door of their apartment brutally open and something akin to a drunk elephant stumbled in their living room. The dark haired student rolled his eyes with aggravation and promptly decided to take the smartest choice. Hiding his head under his heavy blanket, Harry closed his eyes and slowly began to fall back in the Sandman's trail. But, of fucking course, Byakuran wasn't someone to give up so easily. Therefore, Harry's bedroom door opened with the same brutality and the young man moaned when the now really familiar overexcited man stumbled into his bedroom and slipped over a forgotten trouser until he ended in his bed.

"Good morning Sunshine!" Byakuran exclaimed way too happily for someone who had left when the sun hadn't even risen in the sky just to study at the library. "I've some great news to tell you today, my dear friend!"

"Piss off," Harry mumbled as gently as he could. That is, none at all because the Brit had never liked being woken up so brutally and without any real reason.

"Come on, Harry," Byakuran almost whined while he shook his roommate by his shoulders. The dark haired man merely closed his eyes and ignored the albino. "Those are really interesting news!"

"I don't care," the other boy grumbled as he decided to embrace his fate and therefore hugged tightly his roommate so the albino couldn't keep shaking him so harshly.

Byakuran finally stopped doing it and almost froze with the vice like grip he was in. But the albino was nothing if not quick witted and decided to not care about the sudden proximity with his normally quite reserved roommate (unless plastic flamingos were involved), focusing instead on the really important news he had to announce.

"Harry, _my_ _dear and sweet friend_," Byakuran began with his voice almost purring silent promises of endless sweets and plastic flamingos if the dark haired student actually listened to him.

"Mwhat?" Harry finally opened an eye and glared harshly at his roommate.

"Didn't you have a seminary on myths and supernatural beings?" the latter asked while he prettily batted his eyelashes.

"What about that?" Harry retorted with a scrunched face. His green eyes flashed with something akin to wariness and Byakuran's smile merely widened when he noticed that he had finally caught his roommate's interest.

"Well," the albino added while he raised his two arms to the sky, bypassing Harry's forced hug and shrugging off the boy's arms. "I've seen one of those beings! Or so it seems!"

"What in the bloody hells are you even talking about, Byakuran," Harry whispered while he looked at his roommate with a puzzled face. "It's way too early to be that drunk..."

"No, no, my dearest and sweetest friend," Byakuran shook his head and widened his smile even more, showing his pearly teeth like some kind of predator to the dark haired man. "I'm perfectly sane (mostly because I still can't drink alcohol, doctor's order...) and I even have proofs!"

"Proofs, you say?"

Byakuran almost giggled like a schoolgirl and promptly jumped off the bed, skipping happily to the door while Harry looked at him with an unbelieving frown. But, as his curiosity had been quite rekindled by his roommate's words, the sleepy college student reluctantly got out of his comfy bed and followed the albino, forgetting by the way to put some clothes on. They stopped short in their living room and Byakuran plopped into the couch, patting the seat next to him with an inviting smile.

"Believe me," he assured with an overexcited grin, "this is going to blow you away!"

Byakuran took his messenger bag, that he habitually used for his books and notebooks. However, the books were missing and Harry widened his eyes in surprise when his roommate took out of his messenger bag a pink plastic flamingo.

"Weren't you supposed to be in the library?" the raven asked with a puzzled face.

"And I was, believe me!" Byakuran grinned at him and pushed the plastic flamingo in his hands. "Some weird Japanese kid lost it before he vanished into thin air right in front of my eyes."

"Vanished into thin air?" Harry repeated with an incredulous lilt in his voice. "Really?"

"Yup," the albino nodded while he popped the last affirmation with a small shrug. "He vanished soundlessly into thin air. Or rather into really foul smelling pink smoke. And only this plastic flamingo was left once the thick pink smog vanished."

"I can't believe it," the other shook his head and finally looked down at the plastic flamingo in his very hands. His green eyes narrowed when they met the empty plastic eye of the pink bird, and the dark haired boy took a deep breath. "Oh shit."

"What is it?" Byakuran inquired while he almost crawled into Harry's lap to see what had surprised his roommate so much with the famous plastic flamingo.

"That's a new edition," Harry whispered with an amazed and almost reverent voice. He slowly raised the plastic flamingo until it was almost against his face. "Can't you see it? Its eyelashes are thinner and the neck too... And, _oh sweet Merlin,_ that curved leg is made of a different alloy than the European plastic flamingos have..." the dark haired boy turned the plastic bird around and his eyes widened when he noticed small scratches on its belly. "It's indeed a foreign plastic flamingo and this... this can't be right, it says that it was made in the next five years!"

"See?" Byakuran said with a smug face. "I told you that it was a supernatural being!"

The silence came back in the apartment and the two boys stayed still, Harry still being rapt with amazement at the plastic flamingo while Byakuran watched him. Until both were hit by sudden realizations.

"Wait a minute," Harry muttered while he frowned with a puzzled face. "Why did a Japanese kid appear from the future just to leave a plastic flamingo behind? And how did you know that it was a Japanese?"

"My name's Byakuran," the other replied with a shrug. "I can speak Japanese and ask someone if they're from Japan, you know?"

"True," the dark haired boy nodded while he looked back at the plastic flamingo, already thinking on adding it to his growing collection. Not that it was a collection, of course. That would be sick. And he wasn't sick. Of course.

"My turn, now," Byakuran added while his smug smile came back. "Since when do you know everything about plastic flamingos?"

Harry gulped and looked away from the incriminated bird and his roommate. A nervous laugh bubbled in his chest and he scratched nervously his neck.

"Uuuh," he hesitated while Byakuran looked at him with a thinning smile. "Maybe... because I kinda have bought a book or two about it..."

"A book or two?" the albino repeated with a raised brow.

Harry coughed nervously and tried to shrug it off.

"Well, maybe it was actually a couple of books..."

"A couple of books?" Byakuran's incredulity was now thick enough to pierce through Harry's delusional state.

"Okay," the dark haired boy sighed. "I give up. It was a hundred books and I hid them all in the whole apartment."

The silence came back, once again, while the two students looked at each other with heavy gazes. The seconds went by, hanging heavily around them until Byakuran finally gave up.

"Harry," he said gravely. "You really need help."

And just like that, the issue of a boy coming from the future was ignored while Harry's more pressing situation was immediately dealt with and all those books were quickly given to the nearest public library. Years later, when Byakuran'd become the world's best dressed villain, he'd make a bonfire with those same books and had a toast at the memory of his old roommate's former obsession.  
And then would promptly remember fondly those times where they'd been mere university students and all the things that mattered to them had been if they would pass the tests or not.

**Rule of cohabitation n°6:** If your roommate has a problem, kindly help him.

* * *

**I've no actual knowledge of plastic flamingos so don't ask me about Japanese plastic flamingos. Unless you wan't some weird answer. Also, we finally enter the real story. It took me what, six chapters? I'm getting rusty...**

**So, who was the kid from the future? And why did that kid leave a plastic flamingo? Without forgetting the really important question, how much books exist about plastic flamingos?**


End file.
